T minus one week

No, that's not a typo. And no, they didn't move the race up to next weekend. Even though the race isn't until June 26, next weekend is decision time for me. With six weeks yet to go, I'm still healing my neck injury. As this has become my focus, I have cycled through every imaginable high and low. Actually, "high" doesn't quite capture it--it's more like "feeling simply good enough to function." And the lows are some of the lowest I've ever experienced. 

Let me fill in what I've learned since I last wrote. Xrays and other tests have shown nothing indicating bulging or herniated discs. So it's not disc-related, just extremely locked up and spasmodic neck muscles. Phew. Yes, this is easier to treat, but it doesn't make it any less serious. And even though the severe symptoms appeared just weeks ago, I'm really dealing with a chronic issue I can trace back to 2004, perhaps even earlier. I think my body finally gave up trying to heal on its own. It now has my undivided attention.

So even though I can feel the pain subsiding and the muscles easing their unforgiving grip on my nerves, my heart suffers. I am now fearful of the things I love to do. Cycling and running, in particular, are uncomfortable at best and very painful at worst. The bike that brings a huge smile to my face now sits idly by as a reminder of what I've been ordered to not do.

My work now is being patient and living life moment by moment, neither of which I'm great at. I live in the world of closure, of things decided, of permanent ink. I purposefully structure my world so as to have as few surprises as possible. Ha. That world has been thrown into a blender on high. I'm not sure what will come out.

Regardless of what does come out, of what I decide next weekend, I'm steadfastly certain about one thing: There's a higher purpose here. I've yet to discover what that is, but it's out there. So, in addition to healing my neck, my work is also allowing that purpose to present itself to me.

Stay tuned.