Find the Fun

That's what BJ told me in my SOS muscle activation appointment on Monday. Find the Fun. Before I go further, I'll admit that I failed to fill in details on why my Sunday bike ride was so awful...perhaps because I didn't want to admit it out loud and therefore make it all the more real? I'm quickly learning this is part of my problem: I sometimes don't give my most serious issues an outlet and they apparently will not be ignored. Thus, they stick around with nowhere to go but into my neck. Or my hips, or my knees... So here we go--let me give this most recent issue the recognition it deserves. Back to Finding Fun in a moment.

What I thought was a simple stiff-neck-upon-waking a few weeks ago erupted into nerve pain down my left arm thanks to some vertebrae that decided to see what it was like living a little-to-the-left-of-center. OUCH. My lop-sided swim stroke (I breathe on my right side only) has left me with tremendous strength on the left side of my body--that outstretched left side must stabilize me in the water as I rotate far enough to breathe. How strong is it? I thought you'd never ask. It's so strong that those left back, neck, and shoulder muscles are literally pulling my skeleton out of whack. So, yes, I fully GET how important it is to breathe on both sides. Anyway, what does this have to do with my bike ride? Every bump, crack, and hole in the bikepath I felt in my neck. And arm.

Okay, now that we have the details out of the way, let me share with you the really meaningful part of my appointment with BJ. Yes, the muscle activation has helped. Today the nerve was at worst a dull ache and at best nonexistent. And with my regular mindful exercises, my upper body will eventually go the way of my lower body in being more balanced and resilient. The muscle therapy was punctuated with questions of What are you doing to replenish your energy? and How do you rejuvenate? and What do you do to rest and recover? and How do you feed your soul? Deep stuff. I didn't have much of a response aside from I do the occasional yoga class and I take one day off training per week. My feeble attempts to prove (to whom? myself?) that I do in fact take care of myself convinced no one. Not even my cat.

And so after my appointment I sat and journaled for the first time in 5 weeks. In my entry, I renewed my vows. I reminded myself why I signed up for this in the first place and recommitted to my goal. Let this post be a public declaration of this recommitment. I'm tired of being scared and apprehensive and uncertain and all that. I entered this journey with immovable dedication and goshdarnit if I'm going to whimper away 8 weeks out.

To recommit, I return to my very first post where I asked Why Ironman? My answers have evolved but are fundamentally the same.

• because I love to move
• because I love to push my physical limits
• because I love the sport
• because the longer, the better
• because I want to experience something few others will know
• because I want to mark my 40th year with an incredible achievement
• because I can't think of another accomplishment that will require more physical, mental, psychological, and emotional commitment and discipline

And where do I Find the Fun? By surrounding myself with people who nurture me and feed my soul. By taking bike rides on that shiny, new cruiser bike with the flower paint job and the streamers. By soaking up the silliness and sunshiny energy of my nephew, Dylan. By chilling out when I'm not training. And by rediscovering the pure joy in swimming, biking, and running--the pure joy that got me hooked on triathlon in the first place.

Onward I forge...